King Of Wishful Thinking
by wereleopard
Summary: Angel looks at the woman he loves with someone else


Title: King of Wishful Thinking  
Author: Wereleopard  
Rating: PG  
Email: Angst  
Summary: Angel up to when Groo returns after WITW. Drabble.  
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made I am just poor. The song belongs to Go West (I think LOL)  
Distribution: FSB  
Feedback: Yes please!

Angel stood there his feet frozen to the ground; he had tried so desperately to tell Cordy that he loved, why was it with just her that he turned into a stuttering idiot? What happened to the mysterious man, the dark and heroic creature of the night he once had back in Sunnydale. Even her he was like that when he saved people but not her. He had never been like this with Buffy. What was different with Cordelia?

His eyes roamed over the luscious figure within that evening gown, his fingers itched to strip it off her again and finish what they had started, he knew what her skin felt and tasted like. The vampire was like a man in the desert with no water in site, he was thirsty for her taste, and her touch he craved it. It was his addiction

He was just about to get the words out, to find out if she felt anything for him but now he would never know. He would never let out the secret he carried deep in his heart and was amazed that no one heard it break. Angel looked around and saw Lorne staring at him, the sadness in his eyes, the green demon knew how deep his feelings ran, how hard it had been to let anyone close but she had just stormed her way through all his defenses and he had never realised it until it was too late and now he had lost, he had lost his heart and soul to her and his seer never even knew, she would never know. He would take this secret to the grave. This was one battle he couldn't fight, he wouldn't fight. It would cause her too much pain and that just could not happen, not why his he walked on this earth.

This was truly hell his temptation was within his grasp but each time he reached out she moved away, he would be like this for an eternity hiding his feelings from her and her teasing him but never understanding what she was doing.

The vampire took a deep breath, he had always done that it was an automatic reaction; it was one of the human habits he had never got out of. She looked so happy, so breathtakingly beautiful. It had taken all this time to realise what was right in front of him, of what a kind and warm caring woman she was and he still would have never known his feelings for her until Fred had pointed it out. Kyrumption, Moira those two words would haunt him, he found his soul mate but it was too late for them. He would never feel this way again.

It was his own fault that he lost her, that his heart was hurting, that tears were threatening to break free of his eyes. But he wouldn't cry, not now, he was a champion and if that meant letting her go, letting her be with a man who worshipped her, who would travel dimensions for her. The demon within him screamed that he did that too, it whispered dangerous things in his ear kill Groo it said, take her, own her, make her yours it begged him but Angel wouldn't, he couldn't do that to her.

He had managed to get over Buffy, he had survived when he'd found out she died. He would get over this he knew he would. But his heart laughed at his head. Deep in the recesses of his soul he knew that he would never get over this but he would survive and he would die everyday a little by little as he watched them being happier and happier, but he would do this for her. He had never loved anyone this much, he would stand by her side and protect her always. That was all he had to give her, she wouldn't want the unbeating heart of a vampire with a soul, who loved her with every fibre of his being.

Angel turned and headed up the stairs, Lorne reached out and touched him on the shoulder as he walked past. Half way up the stairs when he was far enough away the tears began to fall, he choked back the sobs, he would join his son and dream of the woman he loved, the woman he thought of as Connor's mother, the woman who was his everything. But he would get over her he knew he would.

He was lying.

The End

Don't need to fall at your feet  
Just 'cause you cut me to the bone  
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me   
We were never carved in stone  
If I don't listen to the talk of the town  
Then maybe I can fool myself.

I'll get over you. I know I will  
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking  
And I'll tell myself I'm over you  
'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking  
I am the king of wishful thinking

I refuse to give in to my blues  
That's not how it's going to be  
And I deny the tears in my eyes  
I don't want to let you see. No  
That you have made a hole in my heart  
and now I've got to fool myself. 

I'll get over you. I know I will  
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking  
And I'll tell myself I'm over you  
'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking.  
I'll get over you. I know I will  
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking  
And I'll tell myself I'm over you   
'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking

I will never, never shed a tear for you  
I'll get over you

If I don't listen to the talk of the town  
Then maybe I can fool myself. 

I'll get over you. I know I will  
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking  
And I'll tell myself I'm over you  
'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking  
I'm the king of wishful thinking  
I'll get over you. I know I will  
You made a hole in my heart  
But I won't shed a tear for you  
I'll be the king of wishful thinking   
I'll get over you.  
I'll pretend my heart's still beating   
'cause I've got no more tears for you  
I'm the king of wishful thinking.  
I'll get over you. I know I will  
you made a hole in my heart  
And I'll tell myself I'm over you  
'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking


End file.
